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20121027
20121104
Search Results 0 to 18 of about 19 (some duplicates have been removed)
's the scene like downtown, al? (laughter) >> john, downtown's still devastated. many tunnels filled with sea water, grocery stores emptied and there's been no electricity since the substation exploded just around there up 14th street. (laughter). >> jon: al, what is that strapped to your back, al? >> oh, yeah, it's a machete, john. see, there's two types of folks still down here in no-juice town. (laughter) people with machetes and dead people without machetes. (laughter). >> jon: al, we're going to go up town to john oliver. john, what's it like up there? (laughter) >> it's a total hell scape up here. for starters-- and i don't want to cause a panic-- serendipity has run out of mocha sprinkles. (laughter) which begs the question, john, where the (bleep) is fema when you need them? (laughter) i will say, though, i don't know if you're tried serendipity's he can of a job brownie but it is to die for. >> jon: jessica, is that you? >> yeah! >> jon: are those rats on your jacket? >> yeah, you buying? free range. fresh. (laughter) very fresh. >> jon: jessica, is everything okay? >> i knew i shoul
welcome john grisham. (cheers and applause) hey, good to see you, john! thank you for coming back! all right. good to see you again. it's been about five years. how many books have you cranked out in those last five years. >> at least 12. >> stephen: 12 books? you and stephen king, do you have a contest going on or something like that? who can -- do you ever call him up and go "4,500 words today beyoch." >> no, but he'll call me up and say this is 48, you only have 30. but he got published earlier than i did. >> stephen: would you go back to being a lawyer? >> never. >> stephen: why not? >> i was starving. >> stephen: you must have sucked as a lawyer! (laughter) >> i had a lot of clients in prison. >> stephen: okay, this is one of the things i don't like about you, okay? you've got a new book here called "racketeer" all right? sure it's a great book. >> it's brilliant. (laughter) >> stephen: the dust cover is gripping so far. but in a lot of your books it's like these things are trojan horses to get me to like these liberal causes like homelessness or the death penalty and a lot of tim
phase so we turn to john oliver and aasif mandvi, they've been following the two campaigns. time for the end game. gentlemen, how are you? (cheers and applause) you two have been on the bus with both campaigns. these campaigns are finally making their closing statements of this election. john oliver, let's start with you. what is obama campaign's closing speech and pitch to the american people? >> simply this, john. the obama camp feels the choice is simple. maybe obama hasn't been the president you wanted him to be. perhaps he didn't meet the high expectations he set himself. but the other guy, jon, is a total dick! (cheers and applause) i mean that. jon, he's a six-foot shaft with tiny ballses for feet. he may not fire you himself but you know that when he's looking at you he's unemploying you with his eyes. (cheers and applause) now, if you will excuse me, jon, i'm going to stare at aasif while he's talking, thereby dominating him visually. (laughter). >> jon: well, all right, seems like a relatively low-brow closing argument from the obama campaign. aasif, you've been with th
school. john olver and jason jones decided it had to be stopped. tonight we bring you part two. >> previously on the strategist john and jason each took 1/8 grade presidential can dt and provided them way modern political campaign. as the frantic first few days of the campaign drew to a close there was some minor administrative issues to resolve. >> they are coming in closed, pollsters, my salary, it does come to $5,105.67. >> what is the warchest? >> sorry? >> warchest, money. what funds have we got? >> i don't have any. >> you have no money? >> no. >> dow mind just putting your hands over your ears for a second. >> sure. >> just really tight. >> [bleep] [bleep] [bleep]. >> there was no money and a 25 year campaign veteran mark o'hara knows that is a problem. >> if you are's very, very good at raising money, you don't really have to be very good at anything else. >> and if you can't raise money. >> you're [bleep]. >> so jason and lauryn immediately hit the phones to cold call loved ones and bleed them dry. >> hello. >> mom, it's lauryn. >> hi, hon, what's up. >> we're trying t
susteren, senator john mccain expressed his deep and in no way opportunistic disappointment. >> even from someone like the president, who has never known what these kinds of tragedies are about and the service and sacrifice that people make, it is still just, you know, i can't even get angry. it's just so inappropriate. and i'm sure that the families of those brave americans are not amused. >> jon: i can tell how not angry you are. [laughter] strong and definitive condemnation from mccain of an interview the senator could not possibly have seen as it didn't air until one hour later. and i'm pretty sure mccain stopped watching this show... [laughter] [whispering] so to see the senator commit to something without first properly vetting it was really, well, yeah, okay. i guess that was... [cheering and applause] i think jokes like that are probably why he stopped watching. anyway, i figure give conservatives a night to sleep on it. see the interview in context. perhaps the reaction will be less knee-jerk. >> "not optimal"? some people aren't happy about that. >> that is an embarrassing word
: domino's or papa john's. please welcome anthony everitt. [cheers and applause] thank you so much for joininging me. circumstance you've written extensively on ancient rome. you wrote the book cicero, augustous, and your new book is called "the rise of rome, the making of the world's greatest empire." why is the rome the world's greatest empire? aren't we the greatest empire right now? >> you are on the way. you are the new one. >> stephen: thank you. that's a compliment. is that a compliment? >> well, it might be a compliment. the romans were tiresome people? >> stephen: tiresome? >> they were brutal. they weren't very cultured. they knew they didn't have a culture so they went to greece. >> stephen: we took your culture when we stole harry potter from you guys. >> yes. [ laughter ] >> stephen: you guys are greece to our rome. >> i haven'ting for given you for that. >> stephen: empires don't care. you used to have an empire. >> we had it for 10 minutes. you've hit for five minutes. the roamentans had it for 1,000 years. >> stephen: what did they do right? >> when they went and be
Search Results 0 to 18 of about 19 (some duplicates have been removed)

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